She Likes Me...She Loves Me (w/ sound recording)

She likes me
I can feel it through her glare
Even when she is away I can feel it in the air
I felt in her cries, I felt in her tears
I can feel it in her screams, losing me is her biggest fear
This has been the weirdest year
From Heartbreak to Heartache - How did I get here?
Back to happiness how do I even get near
And does path lead back to my ex dear
Still ain't had a next dear
Its getting closer to next year
Went from D to P to N, Whats the next gear?
Or do I need a new transmission
It seems to be stuck, the switches ain't transmitting
My mind is awake, my heart is asleep
My will is so strong, but my strength is so weak

She loves me
She's giving more than she's getting
Her brain is yelling stop, but her heart won't listen
She's stuck on autopilot, stuck on automatic
She keeps saying she's had it
But she gots to have it
Withdrawl is a bitch & to me she's an addict
In our house of "us" she already the addict
I panic...
Because it has a shaky foundation
I been there before, I still have the lacerations
I'm trying to be patient, tired of being pains patient
Reinforcin, every wall, making
Sure every beams in place &
Testing, taking my time making
It not just something to stand on
But something to land on

She likes me, She loves me
She loves me, She likes me

http://www.ryanphipps.blogspot.com

http://www.supload.com/sound_confirm.php?get=1345277798.wav

Seasons (with sound recording)

Chorus: x2
Separated in the summer
Divorced in the winter
Thought the whole autumn we'd be over our problems
Then I spent the spring yelling questions to my King
These Seasons, These Seasons Change

We parted when it was hottest
I didn't mind the tan, but can't varnish the tarnish
If we couldn't be forever... then we couldn't be together
If we couldn't whether the weather
Then we can be whatever whenever -Never
Where we wore last
Ever more in the past
Please hurry up pass

Change these Seasons Change

Should have known we'd fall in the fall
Bare like trees it leaves like leaves
Slowly but surely once the sun had sung
One the sun was gone
It was done. It was...one...
I hoped for a part two
A return to sender on that parcel
A new season on this cartoon -CANCELED
Late it was far to
Where are you?
Besides my heart and my head
I'm not apart from the living but I'm a part of the...dead

Chorus

It ended in the winter
Destroyed any glimmer that shun through the window
I was a dumb nigga, thinking you weren't done when ya
Told me in December...but only Feb I remember
Change...
I didn't think you'd run but baby you were gone
Sorry you are gone-But you are home
Im homeless, roming on and on

These Seasons These Seasons Change

Spring sprung, and I still was
Between March Madness and April Showers I could fill up
The an ocean with tears
All I could feel was...nothing no fear
My heart chilled up - Gaping open no spill
No blood build up
I just can't forget it but you can
My mind on loop, like Sam the Toucan
Because my dreams you am...
...Actually you are
Keep telling my self one day
Because soon seems too far

Chorus

Been writing it for a while, but I finally finished. Basically about a breakup and how breaking up, can break the individual in the process.

Listen here

http://www.supload.com/sound_confirm.php?get=295857450.wav

You're Still Here...

You’re still here…
I ran for days, weeks, and months
Just to realize that you’ve followed me
Now matter the speed or distance
Here we are neck and neck

You’re still here…
Although we parted physically
Mentally and emotionally-We are inseparable.
My thoughts, worries, inklings, qualms, concerns…
All against my tries tether back to you

You’re still here…
Memories of us haunt me
Not because I don’t want to think about them
But because no more memories can be made
Hindsight is 20/20, but my foresight is blind

You’re still here…
You don’t want to be.

You I’d never regret
I don’t want to regress
But any progress I seem to reject
I never ever want to renig on us
I only regret what I did to us

You’re still here…
Under my skin
In my eyes…
In my smiles…
In my cries…
In my dreams…

Reaching as I fall, my arms stretch towards you

www.ryanphipps.blogspot.com

Its pretty much self explanatory. Its an old write, that I just posted, it's not recent. Enjoy, click the last line to watch the video, that inspired it. 

Reflections - Winter Break pt. 2

The next few days were full of the same crazy and painstaking 12+ hour days, but the hurt only began to come. The next week my father called me and told me my grandfather was in the hospital with a flesh eating virus. He almost died and his future was unsure but hopeful.

 Clarence E. Hill, my grandfather, my fraternity brother, my friend was almost taken from me. Only meeting my grandfather my sophmore year of high school, I have only 7 years with him. My mother's father never clamied her. He deemed her too dark skin to be his child, so I never got to see him...until his funeral. My greatgrand father was my grandfather, but alas he was snatched away from me in 1994. He helped raise me and my mother, taking me in when young mother could not raise me, my sister who is one year younger than me, and deal with the divorce from her 1st husband.  He was my first father. He is where I got my work ethic, my determination, my role model. I did not get to have that with my father's father. I was grown when he met me, and with him living in San Antonio, we hardly ever get to talk. 

No one in my life stays for long...noone is in my life for long.

I have had over 26 friends die since matriculating in to Mesquite High School in 2001. Too many friends turn fraudlent, too many likes never love, too many loves lost to time. I should have seen it coming. Denial is not only a river. Its really hard for me to handel. I don't know how to handel it. That is why I am writing. I am not a talker (SHUTUP LOL), I am a writer. 

The New Year really meant nothing to me. NYD was just another day...So was TRP Day. TRP EVE WAS SO OWT. CLUB STING IS THE SEXY SPOT IN DALLAS. I woke up on my birthday watched ESPN till All My Children Came on and then it is all a blur. Woke up Saturday morning and came back to Baylor...My sisters Chan and JJ came through with Valarie on thier way back from San Antonio. I love to see my sisters, but with joy comes pain. My grandfather isn't doing that much better, and neither is my mind. 

Relections - Winter Break pt. 1

"I need to make change, but I don't want to break 100"

This past winter break was extremely hard. It was the first break completely without my ex-girlfriend of two years...we met in the winter of 2005. Work seemed extra grueling this year, working multiple 14 hr days in a row, going in at 8 a.m. and leaving at 1 a.m. the next morning. Working in retail, especially this season, killed my Christmas spirit. Christmas has became the day before Black Friday, a precursor to more superficial materialism. A lady even complained to me about the mall closing early on Christmas Eve, because she still had more shopping to do, with 8 bags in hand. She never thought about how I felt, the mall employee who has busted his ass more weeks in the madness and just wants to go home to his family. That Christmas Eve I relaxed and passed out after a nice meal. And then came The Day Before Black Friday. 

My father works for the Fort Worth Star-Telegram as a sports  reporter. He covers the Cowboys, and every year I am at the game, in the press box with the free food. Its like a small heaven, football, food and my father. But this year I was too tired to go to the game (THANKS CHAMPS SPORTS) so I opted to just spend some time with my two younger sisters and my step mom. I love all my sisters, Raquel, Te'Ayrra, Channing, and Jhira, so I decided to be with Chan and JJ(Jihra) in the morning and De De(Raquel) and T in the evening. As soon as I walked in Chan and JJ greeted me with smiles and excitement, immediately walking over to the tree and handing me my presents. I handed them theirs and they blitzed up the stairs to the new Wii. (I promise that game is crack.) Then it was just me and my stepmom (DUNN DUNN DUNNNNNN) and I didn't know what to expect. We have had an extremely rocky relationship eversince I first found my Dad April 1st of 2003. Something about her just always dug at me and it contiuned to. So I sat down, took a breath and calmed my self. She asked me to clean out the fire place and rather than flipping out, (I was in a fresh ass outfit, lol, I had a sweater and an Express shirt on, I was cute), I took off my shirt and went to work. After that my stepmom set in to give me another lecture, which caused so many of our previous conflicts.

But then I started to listen, or rathered she started to talk to me. She empowered me with information I never knew. When my mother first met my dad and stepmom she told them that there was nothing more she could teach me. I was too smart and she knew that she didn't give me the intelligence. She basically gave them the responsibility to understanding me and forming for the rest of my high school years. But Valarie said to me that I had also greatly surpassed her and my father. I was blessed with intelligence that my father didn't give to me, neither my mother, but God. This hit hard home with me. My mother never likes to show her weakness and for her to say something like that to Valarie was an outpour of honest emotion that I had been clamoring for for years. I pictured my mother not comprehending why I was so smart. It hurt me, because she was the reason why I was so smart. It was the fear of those world famous ass whoopings that kept me in the books. The want to alleviate her stress of working three jobs to suppport three kids that pushed me to learn. 

I then went home, to my sisters and mother, seeing it all in a differently light. I feel asleep, because I had to be at work at 12 AM THAT MORNING!

TO BE CONTINUED

Poetry - Cracked

I took my previous poem Addiction, and went deeper, or at least tried to. I wanted to show the confusion, how someone looses themselves in their addiction. Where the drug becomes them.

Cracked

Look through the eyes of a crack head, the world of a dope fiend
In my life I just backped, the world is a smokescreen
I live for the fog, I can’t stand the haze
I live in the drug, I can’t stand the days

Nights in the light, but my eyes unshaded
In the fight for my life, but it is so jaded,
Jagged, as the rocks laced with hatred
Matrix…

I don’t know if I’m in control or being controlled
Or maybe just a controller plugged into the console
This miracle material makes me immaterial
I don’t know if it’s my component or a peripheral

The machie mineral, man made, but man look what its made me
In no rush to exit the damn maze, Do you think that I’m crazy?
Or do you think that I’m lazy?
I work hard to work hard, Look at all that it gave me….

Look at what all I gave it
The traitor and the one’s that traded
Sold my self to the syringe slave ship
I ain’t got no willing, because my stones are enslavement
I ain’t got no ceiling, because my home is the pavement

That’s why I get as high as I can, because I already exist in my grave pit…

www.ryanphipps.blogspot.com

Poetry - The Usual Story

It is basically the usual story of a boy in the ghetto, it started off as me telling me life story but as I wrote it, it came that so many rappers, friends, entertainers had shared this story. it was written 2 years ago

The Usual Story by The Ryan Phipps

Sad he’s oh so, because Daddy don’t want the

Son of A Bitch, who’s batty and country

It was all set in motion, once the stone started rolling

And the tears started falling

Ain’t no consoling, a bastard bawling

Cept for rappers scrawling songs

That hit home for this young

Neglected nigga…His history a mystery

Those dudes talk to his heart, misery visibly

Displayed, rewound and replayed

It seems it’s delayed

His chance to be saved…

Nope he knows no father

He thinks he might falter

So why bother to gather alters

Nope he knows no Father.

He’d rather author, the second coming of the carter

Newest Jack of the city – take it all hostage

To hold weight like the O-line of a Big-12 College

His hopes demolished, dreams resurrected out of tar

He is the streets…perfected for the war

Moms has no cure and the ails won’t fail

But he his damn sure the cells won’t bail

The wells won’t fill, it’s bottomless

The problems just, swell won’t tail and to the gen. populace

It’s not common sense, but to him, the target audience, he's cognizant

In his competence, school is overshadowed

In the war on drugs, he’s wining so many battles

An unloader of the metal

Too hopefully become holder of the medal

But truly he’s just another solider in the saddle

When it’s over and it’s settled

But it’s never older and it it’s never settled

This is the weight of the burden form the boulder of the ghetto